Reader Question:

I am an 18-year-old feminine. Some over per month before, a 24-year-old friend friended me personally on fb.

One evening he kissed myself throughout the cheek and another the guy kissed myself on lip area. Eventually we started initially to hug him back.

Im building more thoughts for him as I’m observing him, but Im unsure exactly how he seems regarding the circumstance.

Is it OK for us to continue our very own bodily connection? Intercourse will not be something. He says that isn’t exactly what he wants from me personally, and that I do not anticipate doing the deed until i’m walked along the aisle.

Should I have a talk to him in regards to obviously identifying everything we have actually together?

-Jen (U.S.)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Response:

Dear Jen,

I really like individual boundaries, but having policies and enforcing are usually two various things.

As intimate human hormones warm up, it could make worries that he’ll keep if you do not follow improvements that have a tendency to increase.

It is that slippery pitch that creates the modern-day hypocrite called “the technical virgin,” people who take part in every kind of sexual intercourse except genital sex.

That is why, it is suggested restricting your intimate touch to hand holding and cheek kissing.

As you tend to be younger and new to the overall game of saying no, You will find provided a quick excerpt from my personal book “The 30-Day Love Detox,” where we describe exactly why a token “no” is not enough:

“in an attempt not to seem ‘sexually effortless,’ ladies usually state ‘no’ to intercourse while retaining hot fuel and physical nearness. Their ‘no’ is actually murmured while they’re kissing him as well as in his arms.

This is very confusing for men. The woman mouth claims a very important factor but her body another. This is a mixed message for sure. And more than several go out rape cases have been attempted centered on that big huge misunderstanding.

Sandra Metts, whose work at Illinois condition college centers on sexual communication, says the ‘token no’ can be a dangerous approach.

‘My guidance to women who want to be courteous to a potential spouse is to say no really directly and then to maneuver away from the romantic context. Literally remain true, go across the area, or ask to be taken home. It really is a misconception that men’s thoughts is hurt or which he will feel reduced if his go out refuses to have intercourse. No explanation is important.'”

As for whether you two should check out an emotional link. Without a doubt! Indeed, the length will help you keep your own pledge to you to ultimately stay a virgin.

Remain within your borders and do not end up being shy about inquiring him about their feelings on the way.

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